The modern concept of dating, as we know it, does not exist in Scripture. Nowhere in the Bible does God command people to date, court, or even get married. Instead, we find that marriage is defined by covenant and consummation. From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible presents a clear and unwavering view of what it means for a man and woman to unite, and it warns against the dangers of adultery, sexual immorality, and being unequally yoked. This study will uncover what the Bible truly says about relationships, marriage, intimacy, and godly principles for those who are single.
Marriage: A Covenant Before God
From the very beginning, marriage was established by God as a covenant. When God created Eve for Adam, there was no ceremony, no dating process—there was simply the union of two becoming one. Genesis 2:24 states:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
The act of joining together as one flesh signifies marriage in the eyes of God. There was no prolonged dating period, no formal exchange of vows—rather, the union itself was the binding covenant. This is reinforced in Malachi 2:14, where God rebukes Israel for breaking the covenant of marriage:
“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
Marriage is not just a human contract; it is a covenant witnessed by God. This is why Jesus later affirmed:
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
This unity is established through sexual relations, which is why Scripture consistently warns against fornication and adultery.
The Biblical View of Sexual Intimacy
The world teaches that sexual relations are separate from marriage, but Scripture teaches the opposite. According to the Bible, sexual intimacy is what binds a man and woman together in the eyes of God. This is why Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 6:16:
“Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For ‘the two,’ He says, ‘shall become one flesh.’”
Paul’s words echo Genesis 2:24, reinforcing that sexual union is not just an act but a covenantal joining. This is why premarital sex is considered sinful—because it creates a covenant without commitment. This is also why adultery is condemned so strongly in Scripture, as it breaks the marriage covenant.
Jesus also makes this clear when speaking to the woman at the well in John 4:17-18:
“The woman answered and said, ‘I have no husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.’”
Jesus acknowledges that the men she has been with are her husbands in God’s eyes, yet she is living with a man outside of covenant. This distinction is important—the act of intimacy binds two together, but without commitment, it becomes sin.
The Warning Against Adultery and Immorality
Because marriage is sealed through sexual intimacy, the Bible places strong warnings against adultery. Exodus 20:14 commands:
“You shall not commit adultery.”
Adultery is not simply cheating in the worldly sense; it is breaking a covenant before God. Proverbs 6:32 warns:
“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul.”
Hebrews 13:4 further solidifies this:
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
Sex outside of marriage brings spiritual and sometimes even physical destruction. This is why Christians practice celibacy until marriage—because once you engage in sexual relations, you are creating a covenant, and if broken, it becomes adultery.
Christian Dating: What It Should Look Like
Though the Bible does not command dating or courtship, it does provide guidance on how believers should pursue relationships. Christian dating should not mirror the world’s way of dating, which often promotes casual flings, emotional games, and immorality. Instead, it should be a process of getting to know someone with the purpose of determining if they are a godly match for marriage.
Unequally Yoked Relationships
One of the clearest instructions given to believers regarding relationships is 2 Corinthians 6:14:
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
This is not just about marriage—it applies to dating, friendships, and partnerships. A believer should never pursue a romantic relationship with someone who does not share their faith, values, and commitment to God.
Building a Relationship on Godly Principles
Physical attraction plays a role in relationships, but what truly matters is a person’s relationship with God. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”
Men and women should seek a partner who exhibits godly character, integrity, and faith. Love is not just about emotions—it is a commitment rooted in Christ.
For Men: Finding a Godly Wife
A godly man should seek a woman with a humble and servant-hearted spirit. The story of Rebekah in Genesis 24:14-20 exemplifies this well. She was not only beautiful, but she was also willing to serve, offering water to both Eliezer, Abraham’s servant, and his camels. This act of kindness and generosity demonstrated her heart for others, her diligence, and her humility—qualities that should be sought in a wife.
Marriage is not about domination or control but about partnership. Genesis 2:18 makes this clear:
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”
A godly wife is not a competitor or manipulator; she is a helper, a support, and a source of wisdom and encouragement.
Proverbs 21:9 offers a sobering warning:
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
No matter how attractive a woman may be, if she is contentious, argumentative, or manipulative, she will bring strife into the home. Proverbs 19:13 further confirms this:
“A foolish son is the ruin of his father, And the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.”
A wise man will avoid a woman with a Jezebel spirit—one who is controlling, prideful, and uses her beauty and charm to manipulate. Instead, he should seek a woman who strengthens his faith and supports him in righteousness.
The Proverbs 31 Woman: A Model for Wives
Proverbs 31 describes the attributes of a godly wife, setting the standard for what men should seek and what women should aspire to be. She is:
Trustworthy – “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)
Industrious – “She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands.” (Proverbs 31:13)
Resourceful – “She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard.” (Proverbs 31:16)
Strong and Hardworking – “She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms.” (Proverbs 31:17)
Charitable – “She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.” (Proverbs 31:20)
Wise and Kind – “She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26)
Reverent to the Lord – “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
A man looking for a wife should prioritize these godly characteristics over external beauty. A Proverbs 31 woman does not seek attention but serves her family, works diligently, and honors God in her actions.
For Women: Finding a Godly Husband
Women should seek a man of conviction, a leader who is steadfast in his faith and willing to stand for righteousness. Joshua 24:15 sets the tone for what a godly man should declare:
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
A man who is truly born again will have a backbone and lead with conviction. Too many men today have become passive, allowing culture and convenience to dictate their behavior. A godly man does not compromise but stands firm in the faith.
A Husband Must Be Willing to Die for His Wife
The standard for a godly husband is nothing less than Christ Himself. Ephesians 5:25 sets this high calling:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
A man should be willing to lay down his life for his wife—not just in physical danger but in daily sacrifices. This means putting her needs above his own, leading in humility, and making choices that benefit the family spiritually and emotionally.
Just as Christ bore the burden of the cross for His bride, the Church, so too must a husband bear responsibility for his wife’s well-being. This is not about dominance but about sacrificial love.
A Man Must Provide and Protect
A husband’s role is to be both a provider and a protector. 1 Timothy 5:8 warns:
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Providing goes beyond just financial stability—it means providing spiritually, emotionally, and physically. A godly man ensures his household is fed, clothed, and safe, but more importantly, he ensures his home is filled with the Word of God.
Additionally, women should seek a man who will protect them. This includes physical protection, but also spiritual leadership. A man who does not stand for truth, who wavers in his convictions, or who allows his family to be led astray by the world is not fit for marriage.
A Husband Must Lead
Ephesians 5:23 states:
“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
This does not mean tyranny, but godly leadership. A husband must lead with love, patience, and wisdom. If a man cannot lead himself in the ways of God, he cannot lead a family.
Women should avoid men who lack direction, who follow culture rather than Christ, and who have no desire to grow spiritually. A husband should lead in prayer, teach his children in righteousness, and create a home where God is honored.
A Man Must Have Vision
A godly husband has vision—not only for his life but for his family’s future. Proverbs 29:18 says:
“Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; But happy is he who keeps the law.”
A man who lacks direction will lead his family nowhere. Women should seek a man who has a plan, who seeks God’s wisdom, and who has a vision for his marriage, children, and ministry.
Finding a Spouse
Marriage is not about fulfilling selfish desires; it is about honoring God. Both men and women must enter marriage with a heart for service, love, and commitment.
Men should seek a wife who embodies humility, servanthood, and the virtues of Proverbs 31. A contentious woman will drain his strength, while a godly wife will be his crown (Proverbs 12:4).
Women should seek a man who is strong in faith, firm in his convictions, and willing to lead. A passive man will fail his household, but a godly leader will guide his family in righteousness.
Above all, marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. A husband lays down his life, and a wife submits in love and trust. Together, they serve God as one flesh, reflecting His glory to the world.
My Final Thoughts
The Bible does not command dating, nor does it require marriage. However, it clearly lays out what marriage is and how intimacy binds two together in covenant. This is why Christian teaching emphasizes purity before marriage—because sex is not just a physical act, but a spiritual bond.
For those who are single, it is okay to date, but it must be done with godly principles. Relationships should be built on faith, character, and commitment—not lust or fleeting emotions. Physical affection is a natural part of bonding, but it must be kept in check to avoid sin.
Christian men should seek a woman with humility and virtue, while Christian women should seek a man with conviction and leadership. The world has corrupted the idea of love, but God’s Word remains clear: Marriage is a sacred covenant, and relationships should honor Him in every step.
