Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that sparks debate among believers. Some reject it outright because of its commercialization, while others worry about its origins. But what does Scripture say about love, affection, and honoring our spouses? Is there room for a Christian to observe this day in a way that glorifies God? Let’s dive into the history, the biblical definition of love, and how we can approach Valentine’s Day as followers of Christ.
The Roots of Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is often linked to the Roman festival Lupercalia, a pagan fertility celebration held in mid-February. However, it was later associated with Saint Valentine, a third-century Christian martyr. One tradition suggests that Valentine was executed for performing marriages for Christian couples during a time when Emperor Claudius II banned marriage for young men, believing unmarried soldiers were better warriors. Another story says Valentine ministered to persecuted Christians and was eventually executed for his faith.
The Catholic Church eventually established February 14th as a feast day in his honor, and over time, it became a day associated with love and romance. While it is true that there were pagan elements in the background, the modern celebration is far removed from those roots. Many of our days of the week and even wedding rings have pagan associations, yet their meanings have changed over time.
The question is not about the origins alone, but rather how a Christian should approach it today. Can it be used to honor God, or does it inevitably lead to worldliness?
The Biblical Difference Between Love and Affection
The Bible makes a clear distinction between love (ἀγάπη – agapē) and affection (φιλόστοργος – philostorgos). Love is more than a feeling—it is an act of the will.
Agape Love – This is sacrificial, unconditional love. It is the love God demonstrates for us. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Phileo Love – This is brotherly love, a deep companionship and bond. Jesus asked Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love (agape) Me?” and Peter responded, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love (phileo) You.” (John 21:15-17) The difference in the words shows that phileo is affectionate, but agape is self-sacrificial.
Eros Love – This refers to romantic love, designed by God for marriage. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Philostorgos (Affectionate Love) – This word appears in Romans 12:10: “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” This affectionate love is seen in close relationships and within marriage.
Biblically, love is an action—not merely an emotion. True love is seen in the daily commitment between a husband and wife, not just on special occasions.
Should Christians Celebrate Valentine’s Day?
While it is true that we should love our spouses every day, setting aside a day to express affection is not unbiblical. In fact, celebrating love within marriage can be a way to honor God. Scripture speaks positively of remembering and cherishing your spouse:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is better than wine.” (Song of Solomon 1:2)
If a couple chooses to use Valentine’s Day as an occasion to strengthen their marriage, encourage one another, and express gratitude, it can be a good thing. However, if it becomes an idol—where one demands love be proven with extravagant gifts or worldly expectations—it can become a distraction from genuine love.
Love Must Not Be Worldly
Valentine’s Day in the world is often about temporary feelings, indulgence, and even sexual immorality. The world equates love with lust and passion, but God defines love as sacrifice, commitment, and faithfulness.
Paul warned against being conformed to the world:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)
If a Christian couple chooses to observe Valentine’s Day, it should be done in purity, in love, and in a Christ-honoring way. This means rejecting the materialistic and lust-driven aspects while embracing godly affection, encouragement, and time spent cherishing one another.
My Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is what you make of it. While it has historical connections to both pagan and Christian traditions, the modern celebration is largely about love and relationships. If it becomes an excuse to demand attention, seek validation, or fall into lustful indulgence, then it is not God-honoring. But if it is used as a time to express gratitude, encouragement, and the love God designed for marriage, then there is nothing sinful about it.
The Bible commands us to love our spouses every day, not just on February 14th. However, setting aside a special time to honor your spouse, express gratitude, and strengthen your marriage can be a beautiful reflection of Christ’s love for His church.
As long as a Christian celebrates with godly intent, purity, and love, there is no biblical reason to reject the day outright. Rather than fighting against a date on the calendar, let’s use it as an opportunity to reflect God’s love in our marriages.
