One of the foundational commandments given by God in the Law is to honor our father and mother. It’s a command so significant that it’s included in the Ten Commandments, carrying a unique promise of longevity. But why does this commandment hold such weight? How do we fulfill it, even when our parents oppose God? And how did Jesus use it to rebuke the Pharisees? Let’s walk through Scripture and see what God has to say.
The Commandment and Its Promise
The command to honor parents is first given in Exodus 20:12, where God says:
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”
This is the only commandment in the Decalogue that explicitly comes with a promise—long life. The apostle Paul later reiterates this in Ephesians 6:2-3, calling it “the first commandment with promise” and emphasizing that it leads to well-being and longevity. Why does honoring parents result in long life? The answer is twofold:
God’s Blessing – The Lord honors those who obey His commands. He gives favor and establishes those who live in submission to His will.
Practical Wisdom – Parents provide guidance and discipline that, when followed, lead to a stable, secure, and prosperous life. Disobedience often leads to reckless choices that shorten life.
Solomon reinforces this in Proverbs 3:1-2, where he writes:
“My son, do not forget my law, But let your heart keep my commands; For length of days and long life And peace they will add to you.”
Godly wisdom, often imparted by parents, preserves life. Rejecting it leads to destruction.
Honoring Parents When They Oppose God
But what if our parents are against God? How do we honor them in such cases?
Respect and Obedience in Righteousness
The principle of honoring parents does not mean blind obedience to sin. Acts 5:29 makes it clear:
“We ought to obey God rather than men.”
If parents demand disobedience to God, we must follow the Lord first. However, we are still called to show them respect. In 1 Peter 2:17, we’re told to “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” If even a corrupt king deserves honor, so do our parents, regardless of their beliefs.
Caring for Their Needs
Even if parents are unbelievers, children are expected to care for them as they age. 1 Timothy 5:8 warns:
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Jesus Himself cared for His mother, Mary, ensuring she was provided for even while on the cross (John 19:26-27).
Speaking with Grace
Even when parents are wrong, we are called to respond with wisdom and gentleness. Colossians 4:6 instructs:
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”
Arguing or responding in disrespect, even if they are incorrect, dishonors them. Instead, we should respond in a way that reflects Christ’s love.
Jesus Rebukes the Pharisees for Their Hypocrisy
Jesus directly referenced the command to honor parents when condemning the Pharisees for their man-made traditions. In Mark 7:9-13, He exposed their hypocrisy:
“All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition. For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ But you say, ‘If a man says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban” (that is, a gift to God),’ then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother, making the word of God of no effect through your tradition which you have handed down. And many such things you do.”
The Pharisees had devised a loophole—declaring their wealth as Corban (dedicated to God), which excused them from financially supporting their aging parents. Jesus condemned this practice as a direct violation of God’s command. This teaches us that honoring parents isn’t just about words or gestures; it requires real, tangible care and responsibility.
My Final Thoughts
God’s command to honor father and mother is more than just a rule—it’s a principle for life, one that brings blessing when followed. The promise of longevity reflects both God’s favor and the practical wisdom that comes from respecting authority.
Even when parents are unbelievers, we are called to respect them, care for them, and speak with grace. But we must always put obedience to God first. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they twisted God’s command, showing that honoring parents isn’t just a religious obligation—it’s a matter of the heart.
If we want to live a blessed and full life, we must take this command seriously. Honoring our parents, in obedience to God, is part of walking in righteousness.
